A Practical Application of Infinity - attempt 1

 

I seem to take a particular, 
non-overboard,
flavor of offense
overtly ordinary in it's openness, 
when I see someone acting out some bullshit or other
 
like 
 
    we're not all here in the room, 
 
and like 
 
    we're not all paying attention to the
 
inappropriate misappropriation
 
(redundant? is there ever a time when 
misappropriation is appropriate?)
 
-- Misappropriation? --
 
of the moment 
by corralling the attention(s) available 
in the room 
for the personal fulfillment 
of some ego-based need. 
 
So I process the feelings 
that are produced in me 
by it,
my personal gourmet blend of offense --
   equal parts taking my "self" too seriously, 
   and not seriously enough --
my emotional reaction cocktail,
my mixture of mechanical machinations,
as it were
 
(or maybe it's 
that I'm only now 
becoming aware of 
latent feelings 
that were produced in me 
by some other 'it'
years gone by
by now) 
 
sitting silently, 
bearing the behavior 
by observing the behavior, 
    and its effect on the current setting 
    and its constituents 
    (including myself), 
 
while this particular ego 
  (get thee behind me Satan, 
  and all that business) 
attempts to bend the world, 
and all of us in it,
to its will
 
-- I hesitate to use the word 'ego', in fact; 
   I find loathing in here for it, 
   
      the word, 
      and maybe the thing,
      the only way an ego can
 
   but it does seem 
   to most accurately describe 
       the event of possession 
           (demonic, 
            or otherwise, 
            depending upon your perspective 
            egoi'cally')
 
   of an individual's selfness 
   in the moment 
   in relation to the surrounding area,
   and all parties involved
 
   by way of protecting,
   like some so-called super hero 
   headed up 
some so-called slippery slope, 
   a non-causal, 
   already broken, 
   heart
 
   chagrin implied 
   by way of this particular ego -- will unfold 
   
all of its strategies for obtaining 
what it needs from the environment 
given time and understanding 
(compassionate, or no) -- 
 
in truth, we're all doing that at some level
(bending the world around us to our will),
otherwise, 
it's my belief, 
none of this would even be here, 
   positing, 
      or maybe pointing out,
          or maybe citing, 
that the only existence that exists 
is a relational one: 
 
I exist, 
because 
 
it 
 
exists, 
 
maybe...? 
 
It's then that I realize 
I must do it too, 
in my own way. 
Why else would I react at all?
there would be no cause for offense
if no one were horning in on my game
 
Wait, 
 
why would I be playing a game..?

1 comment

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